Highs and Lows

Today I think I had some of my highest highs and lowest lows. The whole day seemed to be one big roller coaster. I started out my day fine then it got bad, then better, then worse, then great.

This afternoon, I had my first counseling session with a new counselor. She was great. We mostly talked about my Dad. Lately, I have been having a really hard time shutting down my thoughts. I just want to know, when will I quit replaying those few days in my head? I think I am going to write it all down. Every single detail I can remember. As awful as it sounds, I think the reason I replay it all so much is that I'm so scared of forgetting. Though, I don't want to remember it either. Maybe if I know I have it in writing, I won't have to think about it so much?

After I left there, I headed out to Summer's for a pajama party with my girlfriends. I didn't want to go, but I never miss a girl's get-together. I really just wanted to go home, curl up in bed, and cry. I'm glad I didn't. I think I spent the entire evening laughing. My girlfriends have a way of cheering you up like nobody else. Thank God for them.

Now as I sit here at 1am, I don't know how to feel. I feel drained. I could go either way. Maybe I should just go to bed?

Halloween

This year Halloween seemed to come and go very quickly. It feels like every year seems to go by faster and faster. Also, this year costumes seemed to be very simple. Usually, I stress about costumes the most, but I really didn't think twice about them this year. Gage chose to be Hulk which was easy to find. Brooke wanted to be an Angel again this year, for a very sweet reason which I didn't find out until today. Sierra picked out a butterfly costume at goodwill with Grandma Catherine a few weeks prior. And Summer was the octopus that she was last year. I was so excited, because that is my favorite costume and none of them will fit into it next year. Everything just seemed to fall into place.

The weekend before Halloween we went to Howloween at the zoo. The kids got to wear their costumes and go on a scavenger hunt kind of thing. That was lots of fun. Then on Halloween night we had Grandma Sheri and some friends come over for dinner and trick-or-treating. We were out for so long that the kids were finally asking to go home! They got lots of candy for Mom and Dad though!

During the trick-or-treating Brooke told Grandma Sheri, "Grandma, do you know why I am an Angel? Because that is what Grandpa always called me and he's an angel now. So now we both are." Wow. Then, at another point during the evening, Sierra said, "listen, if you be really quiet and close your eyes, you can see Grandpa Fred." Again, Wow. They understand things so much more than people give them credit for. My kids never fail to amaze me every single day.

Howloween at the zoo.

The crazy family.

Our group

Pumpkin Patch

So a few weeks ago we went to the pumpkin patch. As most of you probably know this is something we always did with my Dad. We decided to go to one of my Dad's favorite Pumpkin Patches this year. As hard as it is to continue on traditions, we know we have to for the kids. And to keep the memory of my Dad alive.

So, we went to Fir Point Farms in the middle of the week. We hadn't thought about the fact that because it wasn't a weekend a lot of the attractions would be closed. However, those that they can't necessarily close were free! And there were NO LINES! Woo Hoo! We thought about going to a different one down the road, but the kids were having so much fun we decided to stay. It was nice to not deal with crowds and kinda let the kids stray a little farther than we would have been able to otherwise. It was a beautiful fall day. My Dad would have loved it.

As we were taking some last pictures of Grandma Sheri with all the kids, Gage kept trying to run off to go "make Grandpa Fred". We were all confused as to what he was talking about, but when we were done he ran off and started kicking up dirt. Everybody kept telling him to stop, until he said, "But look. I'm making Grandpa Fred." Gage has his own way of dealing with this and I love that he wanted to feel that Grandpa was there with us. I know I could feel him there.

Grandma sheri and her grandbabies.



My little family. Unfortunately, Seth had to work.